


Human

by younoknowme93



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: M/M, Oneshot, Sweet, harry potter/severus snape - Freeform, kind Severus, mentions of abuse, starts out angst ends fluffy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-30
Updated: 2018-06-30
Packaged: 2019-05-31 00:11:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,230
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15107681
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/younoknowme93/pseuds/younoknowme93
Summary: Harry Potter suspects that Professor Snape was abused as a child and decides to trust his teacher and tell him about his own abuse.Starts out a little angsty but gets fluffy fast





	Human

**Author's Note:**

  * For [drwritermom](https://archiveofourown.org/users/drwritermom/gifts).



> I really just wanted to write a fluffy oneshot with Snarry. So that's what I did. This is one of my few not mature stories... I know right. lol so no smut on this one, but I still think you all will like it. I've had this in progress for a while and thought since it's been such a while since I updated, I would post another story as well. I hope you all enjoy  
> Onward my ducklings.

To see an intimidating man on his knees, fighting back fearful tears is a sobering sight.  To realize in a single moment that a man considered cruel and terrifying could have something he fears so greatly that he cannot even manage to stand.  Then, to watch him realize that his lapse in self-control was witnessed by many people that detest him.  Dumbledore tries to defuse the situation, but we’ve all seen it.  Professor Snape the greasy git of the dungeons, the man that sends first years crying is on the ground with his knees pulled defensively to his chest.  Even once he realizes how he must look, he makes no attempt to stand.  He simply stays planted defensively on the ground.  Shaking.

The order meeting had just gotten underway when doors flung open and a tall man in muggle clothing with dark hair began walking slowly but aggressively up to Professor Snape.  In one hand, the man held a whisky bottle and in the other a long wooden board.  The man looked to be approximately the same age as Snape.  Professor Snape, who had been standing began inching backwards as the person continued approaching. 

“Boy.”  The man said disdainfully.  “How many times do I have to teach you.”  The man took a long drink from his bottle finishing the remainder, he threw it on the ground and glass shatters.  As he approached ever closer Snape tripped and fell back on his bum, his eyes wide and fearful.  Dumbledore stands from his seat even while everyone else is motionless.  What’s going on?  “Worthless.  Just like your mother.  Worthless.”  The man raised the board preparing to strike when Dumbledore pointed his wand at the man.

“Riddikulus!”  The man’s form seemed to change, but I was too focused on my professor now on the ground.  The order members took care of the boggart as Dumbledore stood next to the shaking teacher.  Once order had been regained, quiet murmurs echoed across the room. 

“I’ve never seen a boggart act like that.” Molly says.  But we all know what she means.  They always target whomever is closest.  This one didn’t.  It ignored everyone like it was transfixed on Snape.  That man.  Everyone could see how similar they looked.  The murmuring gets louder as Dumbledore helps Snape up. 

“ENOUGH.”  The headmaster’s voice echos in the room.  All of the order members give him their full attention.  “Severus, my boy.  Are you alright.”  The dark man doesn’t answer.  He doesn’t speak.  “That is quite understandable.  Please.  Return to Hogwarts, I will catch you up about the meeting later on.  For now, please go and calm yourself.”  Without any words, Snape does just that.  He leaves. Looking down all the while.

Immediately order members start questioning Dumbledore, but he only holds up his hand in silent protest. 

“Professor Snape more than deserves his privacy.  It is not my place to talk about this.  The boggart was abnormal.  I do not know why the creature was so fixated on Severus, but I do have my suspicions.  Nothing that concerns you lot though.  Please, allow this situation to die.”  That’s impossible though.  Severus Snape isn’t exactly known for his array of emotions.  Anger, sure.  Disgust, you bet.  Fear though.  There is something unnerving about seeing such a proud man cower on the ground.  Crying no less. 

By the end of the meeting, most everyone seems to have forgotten what we witnessed, but I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it.  That man, looked so much like Professor Snape.  He mentioned Professor Snape’s mom.  And also.  The oddest thing, he called him boy.  I know that Dumbledore will sometimes call Snape boy, but that man looked to be the same age as Snape is. 

I have a guess as to who that man is or maybe I should say who that man was. 

I can’t say that I don’t hate Snape anymore.  He’s still a git, but at least I understand something I didn’t before. 

He’s human.

And something else that is almost terrifying to admit to myself.  I think Snape could understand my situation better than anyone else surrounding me.  I try to nonchalantly rub my shoulder.  Uncle Vernon nearly pulled it from it’s socket before I left.  Even if Snape was abused as a child, that doesn’t change anything. 

He still hates me, and I still hate him. 

I think if things were different.  If we were students at the same time, maybe we would have been friends.  Then again, maybe not.  He’s human.  That’s the only reason I’m outside of his office.  He’s human. 

I exhale slowly to calm myself and knock on the door secretly hoping that he will not answer it.  No such luck.

“Potter.  What do I owe the displeasure?”  He’s human.  Remember.  He’s human.

“Sir, I would like to speak with you in your office please.”  I try to sound respectful.  He’s human.  So even though he snarls, he steps aside and lets me walk through.  He walks around me and sits at his desk.  I stand on the other side of it. 

“You may expect special attention because you are a celebrity, but I will not show you any favoritism.  There will be no extensions on any assignments.  And quidditch is not an excuse.”  He isn’t so much as looking up from the papers on his desk.

“Yes sir.  I’m aware.  I wanted to talk with you about something not school related.”  I gulp when he looks up.  I’ve never considered myself to be afraid of Snape, but right now I’m very scared.  I’ve never told anyone.  He exhales exasperatedly. 

“Very well.  What reason do you have for disturbing me?”  He’s human.  And he’s the only one who I can think of that would understand.

“The boggart during the order meeting.”

“We will not be discussing that.”  He abruptly cuts me off.  His eyes stab me with irritation. 

“Please.  Let me talk.”  I know his patience is wearing thin.  But he’s human.  And I need this.  “Was the boggart of your father?”

“We will not be discussing that.”

“Did he beat you.”

“Potter.”  His voice is warning me.

“Please sir.  I need to know.  Please.  Did he beat you?”  I try to look him in the eyes so that I can express my need for knowing.  After much to long he sighs.

“Often.”  He simply says.  As if I asked him when he drinks tea.  Often.  “Potter.  Your point.  I do not have all day.”

“How did you get him to stop?”  There has to be some way.

“He died.”  His eyes hold no remorse for his late father.  “Potter.  Your point?”  It’s hard to look at him. 

“My aunt and uncle are abusive.” He scoffs.  And I flinch.  He’s human.  Remember he’s human.

“Just because you do not get everything your little heart desires does not mean that you…”  I slide the robe off my shoulders and pull up my shirt.  That’s enough to see the start of the bruises.  They are all over my abdomen.  Torso.  Chest.  Arms.  Legs….. Bottom.

He stands in awe and almost as if in a trance walks over to me.  His long fingers reach out and I flinch when he touches me.  I don’t like being touched.  But I don’t stop him because he surprised me.  I expected his fingers to be cold and cutting like knives, but he’s very carefully using just the pads of his fingers.  He isn’t hurting me, but that doesn’t make this any easier.

“How long has this been going on.”  His deep voice is much softer than I’ve ever heard before.

“My whole life.”  I say.  Without asking, he works my shirt further up.  He’s entranced.  I’m not even sure if he’s realized that he’s practically undressing me.  “Sir?  Could you not do that please.”  Immediately his yanks his hands away from me.  “No one knows sir.  I’m… embarrassed.  Ashamed actually.”

“Sit down.”  He returns to his seat.  I fix my shirt and take a seat as if I’m not terrified right now. 

He’s biting down on his thumb and for a moment he looks different.  He looks like someone who isn’t a git.  He looks like someone who isn’t even a teacher right now.  He looks at me with something that most would mistake for pity, but that’s not it.  It’s understanding.  He looks at me almost as if he’s a concerned friend.  And somehow that makes the situation all the more uncomfortable.  I don’t want caring gentleness.  I want the part of him that is almost clinical.  The part that will not bring emotions into the equation, but at the same time.  I feel like right now he’s on my side, and I never thought that would happen.

“Obviously, the abuse has physical elements.  Am I to assume that there is also emotional and or verbal abuse.”  He doesn’t push me to answer.  Instead he watches me, waiting for even a twitch of my finger. 

I can’t vocalize, so I just nod.  His eyes narrow at me and I feel small.  I don’t like talking about this, but I knew that I would have too once I admitted to it.

“Sexual abuse?”  He says the words carefully.  And shame completely washes over me.  In a way, I’m most comfortable telling Professor Snape about this part of my life.  He already hates me.  He already thinks poorly of me.  Admitting to something so humiliating will not matter in regards to his opinion of me. 

“My cousin.  He does things that are inappropriate to me.  I told my aunt and uncle.  I didn’t actually think that they would do anything, but my uncle called me a liar and.. well he punished me.”

“May I ask what inappropriate things he does?”  His tone is actually gentle.  He’s clearly trying to understand more without prying too much. 

“It’s not anything that I really want to admit to.”  I confess. 

“And you’ve told no one?”  He tilts his head.

“It isn’t something that I really want anyone to know.  But when I saw that boggart, and how you responded I thought that… well… maybe you could…”

“Help you?”  He finishes.  Awkwardly I squirm in the seat.  Maybe this was stupid.  Maybe I would have been better off keeping it to myself, but he was the only one I could think of.

“Both of my friends have a really positive home life.  I didn’t feel comfortable telling my head of house about being beaten and abused.  And well, you are a teacher after all.  So I thought maybe if you also had that kind of home life… even though I know you don’t really like me and I don’t really like you.  At the end of the day you are still a teacher and I’m still a student, so I thought that…”  He’s just watching me rambling.  “I don’t know what I thought.”  He exhales.  “It looked like the headmaster knows about your father.  Did you tell him?”

“No.”  He says.  His hands clasp together.  He looks torn on what he should do or say next.  For a long moment he looks directly into my eyes and I can feel a shift in the atmosphere of the room.  “I had a friend that I was very much close too.  She and I were friends before we came to Hogwarts, and she was the only one who knew about my father.  When he became even more abusive, she pleaded with me to go to someone for help.  I refused.  She took it upon herself to go behind my back and tell the Headmaster.  I was furious with her and later that week she tried to stand up for me against an annoying group of bullies, but I was still angry that she was again making a situation harder for me.  I then insulted her with words that I didn’t even really mean but that doesn’t change the fact that it was wrong of me, and I effectively threw our long-held friendship away.”

“Did you two ever make up.”  He looks at me blankly. 

“No.”

“Did you try to make it up to her.”

“Everyday of my life.”  He exhales and shakes the look of humanity away.  He once again looks like my teacher.  “Potter.  There is only so much that I can do on my own.  I am legally required to tell the headmaster.  If you would like to join me then that is fine, but if you do not feel comfortable being present then that is also fine.”  I don’t want anyone to know.  I don’t know what I expected him to do.

“Please.  Can we pretend that I didn’t tell you?  I really don’t want anyone to know.  It took so much just to tell you.  I don’t want everyone to know.” 

“Harry.”  The use of my first name terrifies me.  “Your mother would not wish for you to remain in an abusive environment.  I will tell the headmaster not just because I legally am required too, but also because…”  He pauses and he seems to question himself.  His jaw sets harshly as if he’s decided on something.  “I can’t make it up to Lily.  She’s gone, but she wouldn’t want her son to be exposed to abuse.  You will not remain in that home.  The headmaster will have to make other accommodations for you.”

“I think he may already know some about it.”  I say quickly.  I file what he said about my mom away for later.  His eyes narrow.

“What do you mean.”  He says monotone.

“When I first got my Hogwarts letter, it was addressed… well.”  I clear my throat.  “My room was in a cupboard under the stairs and that is where the letter was addressed too.  He just doesn’t know the full extent  I think.”  I finish slowly.  “Or maybe he does.  I’m not really sure.”  He stands up.

“Come with me Potter.”  I follow him hesitantly.  We first go to Professor McGonagall’s room.  She eyes the both of us before settling on Professor Snape.

“What has he done now to upset you.  At some point Severus there has to be some element of forgiveness.”

“I’m not here due to any punishment this time.”

“Oh?”  Her eyes open wider.  “Then why exactly are you here with young Harry.”  He turns to me silently asking if I want to tell her or let him tell her.  I stay quiet and look at my feet.  I actually here him sigh.  Long fingers lay on top of my hair and very softly ruffles my hair.  It’s a very quick action.  McGonagall notices but says nothing.

“What knowledge do you have about the muggles that Potter is living with?”

“Well.  I know they are not the best sort.  I watched them before we left Harry with them and I didn’t like what I saw.  Albus assured me though that it was what was best for Harry.”

“Has he been keeping tabs on the family.”

“I believe so.”  She again looks at him curiously.  “Why are you suddenly so curious Severus?”  I’m not ready for her to look at me differently.

“The boy has been living in an abusive home.  It is not just negligence.  It is abuse.”  Then quieter he says. “In all it’s forms.”  She looks at me and I feel sick.  I don’t want her to look at me like that.  With pity.  With a different opinion.  I wish I had never told him.  I wish that… He lays his hand on my head again.  “She cares about you.  She doesn’t think less of you; she’s upset with herself for not realizing that one of her students needed her help.”  Realizing what’s upsetting me, she quickly wipes the look of sadness off her face.  “She did the same thing with me.”  He says simply.  “Now.  In regards to Dumbledore.  Some other arrangement can be made, but he is not going to continue living in that house.”

“Yes, we should go talk to Albus about this.  I’m sure he couldn’t have known.”

“I’m not so sure.  Potter explained that his Hogwarts acceptance letter was addressed to the cupboard under the stairs where he was living.  I have my suspicion that Albus knows to at least some extent.”

I don’t like this.  I don’t want to talk to him.  I don’t want the rumors going around the school and the wizarding world that I’ve been… I don’t want that.  His large hand smooths my ruffled hair.

“You are safe here.”  He says.  He’s human.  Any pretenses are dropped in favor of gentle assurance.  “Minerva, what is the protocol for having him reside here.  I would think it would be just as safe, and we could essentially keep his personal business personal by simply acting as though he changed locations for safety.”

They talk back and forth, but his hand never leaves my head.  It’s like he’s petting me.  Quietly reassuring me without being overbearing.  Something between us changed today.  He’s never looked at me as the boy who lived.  I was always Harry- a student that he didn’t particularly care for, but a student nonetheless.  He doesn’t remove his hand until Professor McGonagall begins teasing him good-naturedly.

“I always knew you cared more for the boy than you let on.”  He removes his hand very deliberately. 

“I’ll deny it.”  He says simply.  “And no one will believe an old cat like you.”  He says semi tauntingly.  But I can tell that there is a level of comfort between the two of them. 

“Just like how you protected him first year during that quidditch match.”  She smiles teasingly.  “Harry, I’ve been wanting to tell you for a while, but don’t let this troublesome child fool you.  Sure he has a hard outer shell, but he’s all gooey inside.”

“Minerva, I hardly see why you are telling him this.”  She smiles like the cat that got the canary. 

“Someone needs to spill your little secret.  Harry, Severus is obstinate, overly guarded, cynical, and thoughtlessly mean at times, but he is a good person.”  Not too long ago, I wouldn’t believe her, but everything is different now.

“Yeah yeah, just don’t go around telling everyone.  How else can I get first years to listen to me if they aren’t terrified that I’m going to bite their heads off.  A potion classroom is a dangerous place for rowdy students.” She chuckles.  And pinches his cheek as if she were a parent.

“It is adorable how worried you are about your students.”

“I have no idea what you are talking about, it’s just a nuisance to fill out all that paperwork if a student is maimed or killed.”

“Just admit it, you adore them.”  His hand once again falls on my head in an overly familiar manner.  I don’t really mind, but it’s so odd to be touched like this.  I don’t know that I’ve ever been coddled.  Is it bad that… I kind of want this man too?

“I will admit to tolerating them more than I let on.”  He’s smiling.  And something about it makes him look younger.  More… attractive.  “So, can you handle Dumbledore about Harry?  Something can be done.  Really anywhere would be better than there.”

“I initially wanted to adopt him the same way I did to you.  But his situation is different than yours.  He does have family.  Abusive ones… but still family.  I doubt I would be able to adopt him, but having him unofficially living at Hogwarts should be fairly easy to do.  He can’t stay in Gryffindor towers outside of term though.  I propose that he stay with you in your rooms outside of term.  He must stay with an adult and since you are already familiar with his circumstances that would likely be the best method.”

 

*time skip*

 

And that is pretty well how the rest of my years at Hogwarts went. 

No longer able to stay with my relatives, I was let in on many secrets of the war that I didn’t know about.  The largest and most important being that Severus was a spy.  I’m afraid to know what would have happened had I not found out about his role in the war.  From the little he’s told me… he never had any intention of surviving the war. 

He never had any intention of trying to be happy and for someone like Severus that’s a very sad thought. 

He’s been very kind to me and we’ve grown close in the time since I put my trust in him.  Sometimes he will tell me stories about my mom.  And sometimes he lets his own shields down, but nothing can convince me otherwise.  I know that he’s human.  Flawed and awkward and lonely and scared. 

I’ve spend a lot of time with him since the war.  I don’t live in his rooms anymore and I actually miss it. 

I’m not a child anymore.  I’m a teacher myself, but I still come to his rooms every evening.  He helps me.  Still guiding me on how best to organize my thoughts and my lessons. 

He’s my closest friend. 

When Ron and Hermione began dating I felt left out.  I felt distanced from the friendship.  It wasn’t the three of us anymore, it was the two of us.  Me and them.  I’m still close to them and I still love them dearly, but they are a couple now and there is no room for an extra.  That’s when my relationship with Severus shifted from teacher and student into that of more of a friendship.  Sometimes he would allow me to see the glimpses of himself underneath his façade and I remember suddenly realizing one day…

_I am in love with Severus Snape._

I tried to deny it at first.

He’s a man.  A man much older than myself.  A man much older than myself that could possibly even be straight. 

I denied it for a year before I finally accepted it and since I did, I have been unable to go back.  I think of him all the time.  Sometimes just waiting until the next time I get to see him… sometimes things a little more perverse. 

As observant as he is, I know he hasn’t realized yet.  He’s oblivious to anything concerning himself.  It wouldn’t even cross his mind that I would be in love with him.  And I’ve been torn for a long time over if I should tell him or not.

I’ve fought on both sides.  If he isn’t interested I could ruin the closest friendship I have.  If he is then I could make him so much happier.  If he isn’t then I will make everything awkward.  If he is then I could find out if his lips feel how I imagine they do. 

Most days I didn’t know which option I was leaning towards.  I ultimately decided that I didn’t have to think about it until the war was over.  But even then… it’s been almost a year and I’ve still refused to take a step forward or back.

But I see him every day and every evening we share tea.  Sometimes I’ll stare at him too long.  Sometimes I’ll be so lost in thought thinking about him that I’ll miss my turn in the conversation and he will just stare at me with those eyes that make me melt.  With eyes that look as though they know everything all of my shameful dirty secrets, but he never says anything until tonight.

“Harry.”  Because I have been Harry for years now.  “Something seems to have been bothering you lately.  I try to not pry- if you do not think me reliable enough to confide in me then I will not press further.  It just occurs to me that you may believe that I am untrustworthy since I insisted we tell Minerva and Dumbledore about your upbringing.  That situation was unavoidable, but anything you tell me now would be held in the strictest confidence.  You are an adult after all.”  He takes a sip of his tea and leans back in his chair.

“I have had something on my mind, but I was unsure of really how to bring it up.”  He remains quiet to give me room to speak.  “I’ve been somewhat infatuated with someone for a while now.  I never acted on it because there was a war and other just as serious issues.  I’ve considered this person a friend for a while, but I wouldn’t want to ruin a friendship that I cherish just because I’m pretty sure that I’m in love with them.”  He nods listening attentively.  “I’m just not sure what I should do.”  He takes another sip of his tea.

“It certainly does pose a problem.  On one hand there is a chance for greater happiness but on the other hand there is the chance of damaging your friendship with this person.  I believe it is difficult to form a friendship with someone and not develop fond feelings for them.  The nature of humans have always been thus.  That being said though, if you were to attempt to take Ms. Granger from Mr. Weasley then that situation is much more different.”  I cut him off.

“It isn’t about either of them.  I’m not.. in love with ‘mione.  I’m actually really happy for them.”  He tilts his head.

“I honestly suspected that it would be about one of them.  You have been close to them for a long time after all.  Regardless.  I understand the fear of losing a friendship with someone you love.”

“You were in love with my mother.  Right?”  It’s something we’ve not really talked about.  It’s something I never felt really comfortable asking him.

“Well, I certainly loved her, but I would not say that it was something of a romantic nature.  It isn’t something that I talk about, but women never suited me.  I always found my attentions drifting to that of males instead.”  He takes another sip of his tea as if he did not just confess to being gay.  As if he did not just increase my hope that this could be possible.  “Homosexual relationships are not much different from that of straight relationships, so I still might be able to help you.  I was close friends with Regulus Black- your godfather’s younger brother.  I should say that we were close friends but I very much wanted more from our relationship.  But I was a very shy and awkward boy and I was reluctant to potentially distance myself from one of the few friends that I had.”

“Did you ever tell him?”  I asked feeling curious about a potential past relationship of the man that I love.  He nods slowly. 

“Well.  Somewhat.  I confessed to him that I was gay.  I felt that that was the first step.  If he reacted strongly against that then I would know there was no point in humiliating myself further.  So I waited until I worked up my nerve and we were alone and I told him.”  He softly cradles the cup in his hand.  “He didn’t act quite as favorably as I would like.  He did not outright shun me, but our friendship was never the same after that and eventually we could no longer call ourselves friends.”

“That’s awful.”  I say before I can stop myself.  “Just because of your preferences.  That’s..”  He holds up his hand to stop me.

“There is no reason to be upset over such a thing.  At the time is was a devastating blow.  Harry, as you grow older, you begin to realize some things.  Some things are not fair.  The chances of finding someone that you love and that loves you is difficult.  Friendships can also appear stronger than they actually are. It’s terrifying to potentially lose someone, but if my friendship with him was that strong, then he would not have been disgusted by me simply because I’m gay.”

“Is that why you told me?  To see if our friendship is strong enough?”  I ask quietly afraid to hear the answer.

“No really.  I’m not ashamed of my preference.  I don’t actively try to hide it, but I also don’t feel the need to wear a sign on my head telling the world that I like men.  You are entirely to accepting to care about something as trivial as sexual preference.  I knew you wouldn’t change your opinion of me over something like that.”  He smiles very softly and my heat is pounding.  “This girl that you love is a lucky girl.  I doubt anyone would be foolish enough to turn you down, but even if she did.  If something, like being infatuated with her, is enough to ruin the friendship, then it wasn’t a strong enough one to begin with.”

I’m still afraid to tell him. 

I’m terrified.

“Can I… practice on you.”  He furrows his eyebrows.  “Practice confessing I mean.”  Maybe if I can just say it once I can get over it and return to only thinking of him as a friend.

“Harry, I don’t know if it’s a good idea for a man to practice confessing to a gay man.”  He laughs lightly but the situation doesn’t feel as awkward as it should.  “If you think it will help you, then you are welcome to, but it occurs to me that I may not be of much help.  I never even managed to fully confess to anyone nor have I ever been confessed too.  I may not be the most reliable help in this situation.”

“I think it will help me.”  He nods and takes a sip of his tea.

“Alright.  Then please go ahead.” 

My mouth feels impossibly dry.  My heart is pounding so much I’m afraid it’ll just stop.  I’m terrified. 

I’m terrified.

I’m terrified.

I’m terrified.

I’m excited.

“I…”  I clear my throat and take a sip on my own tea to sooth my dry throat.  “For a long time now I have thought that….”  Severus stares at me patiently.  Neither smiling or frowning.  He’s passively listening and I don’t feel humiliated in the slightest even though with anyone else I would be.  “I’m in love with you.”  I say all at once.  “I’m in love with you and I’ve been in love with you for a long time.  I’ve never felt this way about anyone before and every time I’m not around you, I only think about how I can’t wait until I’m next to you again.  I know we are friends and I care about your friendship so much that I’m terrified of ruining it and I’m terrified of losing you as a friend, but I can’t keep going without telling you.  Severus, I’m in love with you.”

His face is completely red in a way I’ve never seen before.  My own hands are shaking around my teacup and I’m waiting for him to respond.  He opens his mouth several times before simply closing it back.  Finally he brings his tea to his lips and takes a long sip in order to calm himself.

“I can certainly say Harry that any girl would fall for such endearing words.  If you say that to her then I’m sure she will return your affections.”  He doesn’t get it.  He doesn’t understand.

“Severus.”  He looks at me quizzingly.  His smile is a bit more forced than normal.  “I’m in love with you.”  Again he still looks confused.  “It’s not a girl that I’m in love with.”  I say.  His bottomless eyes narrow trying to understand my words as if I am speaking another language.  “It’s you.  It’s only been you for a long time.”  His thin lips part and I can stop myself from looking at them and wondering again how they might taste.  His mouth hangs open as he’s unable to find words to speak.  And each moment that he says nothing is another moment of agony.  I can’t handle the silence.  “If you can’t love me then I understand.  I know that I look like a man that tormented you.  And I know that there is a large age difference between us.  And I know that I am completely inexperienced.”

The silence drags on as he stares at me only blinking.

“I’m sorry.”  I finally say loudly.  Standing up from the table.  “I shouldn’t have said anything.  I knew it was stupid, but then you confessed to being gay and I thought that I might actually have a chance.  I’m really sorry.  Please just forget I ever said anything.”  I have to get out of here, but before I can he grabs my hand frantically. 

Still unable to speak, he grabs my hand refusing to let go and nods repeatedly.

“Severus?”  I question softly.  His face is a cute shade of pink.

“Don’t go.”  Is all he says.  The hand squeezes mine tighter.

“Severus.  Do you… could you maybe… feel the same… or do you think maybe one day you could.”  He’s nodding repeatedly while not looking at me.  I take a step closer to him and I can hear it.  A loud pitter-patter matching my own.  I can hear his heard pounding. 

“Never had anyone… confess.”  He says after a long silence.  “Don’t know what to say.”  He says.  He looks up at me and then back at his shaking hands.  “No one has ever…”

“I love you.”  I say again and this seems to start the entire process over.  His eyes nervously look away from me, but his hand on mine refuses to let me go free.  “Severus, may I kiss you.  Please?  I’ve wanted to for so long.”  He swallows nervously but nods slowly.  He’s sitting on the chair and I’m standing in front of him, so I awkwardly lean down until our noses touch.  His eyes are tightly closed and I can’t help but smiling.  Up close I physically see how nervous he is.  The way his fingertips twitch.  The sound of his heart.

When my lips brush his, it feels like electricity going up my spine.  It doesn’t matter that they only touch for a second.  I need to feel them again.  The second kiss is much longer and he’s rigid even long after I pull away from his pale lips.  I could kiss them again if I wasn’t worried that he’s forgotten to breathe.  So lightly peck those lips again and then pull away with a lick to them.

“Don’t forget to breathe Severus.”  At this reminder he begins gasping for air. 

“Why me?”  He suddenly asks with wide eyes.  “It doesn’t make sense.  No one has ever… why me.  You could have anyone.  It doesn’t make sense.”  I smile at him.  There are so many reasons.  His sharp wit.  Sarcasm.  Stubbornness. 

“You’re human.”  I say laughing lightly.  He looks at me completely confused.  “I thought you were an awful creature unable to comprehend the idea of empathy, but that couldn’t be further from the truth.  You just aren’t good at showing your good points.  Instead you hide them.  Maybe to keep yourself safe.  Most people only let others see their good points, but you do the opposite.  You are a kind good person, but you keep that hidden behind layers of a mask.  Once I saw past the mask, I couldn’t see anything else.  I just want to keep getting to know you.  And the more I’ve gotten to know you the more I want to see you laugh or smile.  I really do love you.”

He’s blushing again and he brings up his cup to hide his face.

“You don’t need me to tell you that any relationship has is issues and one between two men is not immune to that.  You may find that other’s will not take kindly to a relationship like this.  Especially concerning it’s me.”

“I don’t really care what they think.  I know that I love you.  And I know nothing will change my mind about that.”

“You may find one day that I am not to your liking.”

“That’s not going to happen.”  I say.  “I denied it for a long time.  Pretending It was normal to… have dreams about a teacher.  Pretending that it was normal be curious about another man.  Severus, I’m not going to change my mind about loving you.  I know that I have not been an adult long, but I will try to show you that I can be someone to protect you like how you’ve always protected me.  Do you think, maybe one day you could return my feelings?”

“I do.”  He says.  Then he smiles very softly.  “I definitely do.”

 

*time skip*

 

“… And do Severus Snape take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband?”

“I do.”  He says.  His long dark hair is pulled back.

“I pronounce you two wed, you may now kiss.”  Severus is uncomfortable being kissed in public.  He’s a very private man, so I lightly press my lips to his for a brief moment before pulling away with a smile.  For now that’s good enough.  I’ll give him our real first kiss on the honeymoon. 

“I love you.”  I whisper as our guests applaud our union.  He smiles in return and my heart pounds as if it were the first.

“I love you too.”


End file.
